Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
