Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
