I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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