Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
