first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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