Don't make out with my wife yet
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
