I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
