you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
