Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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