Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I intend to get homeless drunk
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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