I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
