With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
