So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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