hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
