i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
