i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
