Your face is a jimmy john
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
