Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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