Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
