Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
