Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
