oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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