Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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