Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
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