Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Randomize
