she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
