no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
