can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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