We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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