I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
