I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize