after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
