Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
