This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize