my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
