No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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