New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
