Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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