Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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