i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
