if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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