It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
