i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
