too bad you live with your parents still
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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