The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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