Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
