u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize