So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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