I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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