brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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