Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
