woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
