i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
