If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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