Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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