you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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