Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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