I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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