I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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