"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
