This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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