i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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