And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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