You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
