i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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