It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
