I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
