my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
So squirting runs in the family.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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