Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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