Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
