I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
